CaptainNormal.org

Friday Abe Vigoda Blogging

2007-04-20T10:58:00.000-04:00

Yesterday the Akron Beacon Journal was able to help put one of its readers discover a little-known film starring The Artist Formerly Known as Fish:

I am trying to find the name of a movie on DVD. I recall two actors in it, Lee Majors and Abe Vigoda. 1980s or '90s. A mix of action, comic, drama. Where to find it?

Sounds like Keaton's Cop, a 1988 production with Majors, Vigoda and Don Rickles, among others. It was released on VHS, and I have seen used copies for sale for as little as 97 cents on www.amazon.com. (Also a copy purporting to be unused, for $3.) I did not find a DVD. But, if you have an old laserdisc player, eBay has some laserdisc copies for sale.

Friday Abe Vigoda Blogging

2007-04-13T11:46:00.000-04:00

Not only is the Artist Formerly Known as Fish the greatest living actor in America, he is the patriarch of an artistic clan.

His granddaughter Valerie is in a band and is currently in rehearsals for a musical she helped compose. You can read all the deatils here.

Monkey Takes a Bite Out of Crime

2007-03-26T14:59:00.000-04:00

Don't kidnap monkeys
Don't steal them away
'Cuz monkey crime does not pay!

A bunch of animals made a monkey out of a thief when they scratched and bit him as he stole a primate from a zoo, a court heard yesterday.
The creatures were said to have gone wild as a gang, including Marlon Brown, broke into an enclosure to steal Bolivian squirrel monkey Spongebob.
Brown bled from his wounds, allowing police to identify him through his DNA.

"Casey Jones you better watch your speed..."

2007-03-14T13:23:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday wishes go out to the toughest railroad engineer who ever lived---Casey Jones, born on this date in 1863.

Despite being one of the most accomplished and reliable engineers of his day, Jones is best known for the famous crash in which he refused to jump from the train like a captain going down with his ship. Jones saved a lot of lives that day, even though he was severely wounded.

His story was immortalized in folk songs...and no matter what the Grateful Dead tell you, he was NOT "high on cocaine."

Here is the entry for Casey Jones from the American National Biography:

Jones, Casey (14 Mar. 1863-30 Apr. 1900), railroad engineer and folk hero, was born John Luther Jones in southwest Missouri, the son of Frank Jones, a schoolteacher, and Ann Nolen Jones. He was the oldest of five children. In 1876 the family moved to Cayce, Kentucky, the town that would be the origin of his nickname and where he was first exposed to railroading. Jones married Jane Brady on 25 November 1886; they had three children.

Jones's initial railroad experience was as a "cub" (beginner) telegraph operator with the M & O Railroad at Columbus, Kentucky, in 1878 when he was only fifteen. A few months later he began working as a brakeman on the line between Columbus and Jackson, Tennessee. In order to achieve his long-range goal of becoming an engineer, Jones transferred again, this time becoming a fireman on the M & O line between Jackson, Tennessee, and Mobile, Alabama.

In March 1888 Jones moved to the Illinois Central as fireman on the Water Valley and Jackson (Tennessee) Districts of the Mississippi Division. Records of the Brotherhood of Locomotive Firemen's lodge in Water Valley, Mississippi, show that Jones joined on 21 July 1890. He was promoted to engineer in February 1891, and his name first appears on the register book of the Brotherhood of Locomotive Engineers lodge at Water Valley on 10 March 1891. Jones maintained memberships in both labor organizations.

In the summer of 1893, the Chicago World's Fair was attracting huge crowds. When a call went out for engineers, Jones spent that summer in suburban service in Chicago. It was here that he first saw the 638, the Illinois Central freight engine on display at the fair. At the closing of the fair, the 638 was to be sent to the Mississippi Division. Jones asked for and received permission to run the engine back to Water Valley. It was the beginning of a long association.

Over the years Jones had his share of extra passenger runs, and he liked the work and the pay. Passenger runs offered a much shorter working day, better pay, and considerable prestige, all of which appealed to the young engineer. His first opportunity at a regular passenger job came in February 1900 when W. W. "Bill" Hatfield transferred from Memphis, Tennessee, back to a run out of Water Valley, Mississippi. Jones applied for Hatfield's old job, even though it meant moving his family to Memphis and leaving the 638.

The new position was a test of Jones's ability as an engineer. The Illinois Central had been regularly shortening the running time of its passenger trains between Chicago and New Orleans. The new schedules posed an increasingly daunting challenge for the engineer. On the night of 29 April 1900, Jones and his fireman, Sim Webb, left Memphis one hour and thirty-five minutes late because the train had not come in on time. When he stopped for water at Grenada, Mississippi, Jones had already made up fifty minutes. By the time he reached Goodman, Mississippi, he was only five minutes late.

As Jones headed south, the stage was being set for his tragic wreck. A freight train with a broken air hose was sidetracked at Vaughan, Mississippi, and several of its cars were out on the main line. When Jones saw the cars, he slowed the engine to about 30 miles per hour. His fireman, Sim Webb, jumped to safety. Seconds later, Jones's engine, the 382, crashed into the caboose and several of the cars and finally stopped. Jones was mortally wounded in the throat by a bolt or piece of splintered wood.

Like the names of many other railroad engineers who lost their lives during this period, Casey Jones's name might have faded into obscurity were it not for Wallace Saunders, a laborer at the railroad shop in Canton, Mississippi, who made up a song about the accident. An Illinois Central engineer, William Leighton, heard it and mentioned it to his brothers, vaudeville performers Frank and Bert Leighton. The Leighton brothers sang a version of "Casey Jones" in various theaters around the country. By the time the song spread across the country, America had a new folk hero.

Why Jones did not jump is a question that has been discussed by railroad enthusiasts for many years. Railroad historian Bruce Gurner's explanation is as good as any. "You have to understand that Casey loved his job, his engine and the railroad," Gurner notes. "If there was one chance in a million he could do something, he wanted to be there to do it."

Smoked Monkey Soup

2007-03-09T16:51:00.000-05:00

Monkeys are cool
They can't be beat
Monkeys are pretty good to eat!

CARACAS, Venezuela: The termites, monkeys and spiders used in chef Nelson Mendez's gastronomic creations are enough to make even the most adventurous gourmand squeamish.
But Mendez hopes that, given a chance, his dishes inspired by the isolated Yanomami tribe of Venezuela's southern rain forests can please discriminating palates and gain a following in the country's culinary circles....

During a demonstration at the fair, an audience of amateur cooks and students gasped as Mendez unveiled a smoked monkey used to make soup and his assistants handed out cookies made with "Bachaco," large ants with an enduring, spicy aftertaste.

Friday Abe Vigoda Blogging

2007-03-09T09:26:00.000-05:00

Steve Justice takes us all into the topsy-turvy nightmare world in which Abe Vidoga had never been born!

Best. Cartoon. Ever.

2007-03-08T11:23:00.000-05:00

Monkeys can be fast
Monkeys can be slow
Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce GO!

Friday Abe Vigoda Blogging

2007-03-02T12:40:00.000-05:00

Look up in the sky.

Way, waaaay up in the sky.

Up to the Eagle Nebula in fact.

According to Bad Astronomy, some people claim to see the face of Jesus in this cloud of interstellar dust. But we know the real truth about what the universe is trying to tell us...

There is another face in there, by the way, worth noting. If you look near the same place some people see Jesus, and flip the image around... hey! It's veteran character actor Abe Vigoda!

"High motivation"

2007-03-01T10:30:00.000-05:00

Monkey can cough
Monkeys can choke
Scientists are teaching monkeys to smoke!

Nicotine use is highly addictive in primates, say researchers who conducted
an unusual study of squirrel monkeys....
It found that squirrel monkeys who could give themselves nicotine by pressing a lever initially used it very little - but over time developed a "high motivation" for
using it.

Friday Abe Vigoda Blogging

2007-02-23T12:57:00.000-05:00

The box set of the second season of Diagnosis Murder hits store shelves this coming June.

The show is a formula spin-off of Murder, She Wrote and frankly, it's not very good. But there is one episode that gets saved from mediocrity by the formidable acting chops of The Artist Formerly Known as Fish!

Monkey See, Monkey New

2007-02-21T09:35:00.000-05:00

Monkeys are smiling
Monkeys are happy
The newest monkey is Lophocebus ugandae!

Uganda may soon have a new species of monkey according to a report published in Kampala's New Vision newspaper. Dr. Colin Groves of the Australian National University told New Vision that the local population of the gray-cheeked mangabey (Lophocebus albigena) will soon be designated as a unique species, the Ugandan gray-cheeked mangabey (Lophocebus ugandae).

Smart and Ambitious Women Scare the Right Wingers Shitless

2007-02-20T11:21:00.000-05:00

Oliver hits the nail square on the head:

The people who have built their entire lives on trying to tear down Hillary Clinton are the saddest, most pathetic bunch of social and political operatives and smear merchants in American history. They are, they were, and will always be.

Friday Abe Vigoda Blogging

2007-02-16T12:00:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow is the day, the grand and glorious day, when people around the world will come together to celebrate the birthday of The Artist Formerly Known as Fish, Mr. Abe Vigoda.

Yup, the Bard of Barney Miller was born on 17 February 1921. Fortunately, Mr. Vigoda is alive and well to enjoy the festivities.

I'll be heading to the big Abe Vigoda Birthday Bash at Madison Square Garden. How will YOU celebrate Abe Vigoda's birthday?

Bush Regime to Veterans: Fuck Off and Die

2007-02-14T10:48:00.000-05:00

How does the Bush regime "support the troops? By cutting veterans benefits, of course!

WASHINGTON - The Bush administration plans to cut funding for veterans' health care two years from now — even as badly wounded troops returning from Iraq could overwhelm the system.

After an increase sought for next year, the Bush budget would turn current trends on their head. Even though the cost of providing medical care to veterans has been growing rapidly — by more than 10 percent in many years — White House budget documents assume consecutive cutbacks in 2009 and 2010 and a freeze thereafter.

Of course, these cuts begin after these fucking thugs leave the White House, leaving future presidents and vets to hold the bag.

These people are evil and they must be stopped.

"Intelligent Design" is Neither

2007-02-12T14:16:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday wishes go out to biologist and scientist Charles Darwin, born on this date in 1809. In these days of modern times when Darwin's work is being attacked by the creationist whackjobs in the White House, it's good to pause and consider the true marvel of Darwin's achievements.

Daily Kos has an elegant appreciation of Charles Darwin that everybody should read:

As a boy, Charles Darwin considered becoming a parson or a doctor. But a love of science soon consumed him and his course was set to become a naturalist. At age 22, unfulfilled and restless with youth, he took advantage of an offer to sail the exotic south Pacific on a ship called the H.M.S. Beagle....

Even as a skeptic, I cannot imagine greater testimony to the brilliance of a Creator than a myriad of dazzling, complex processes unfolding over vast oceans of space and time in exquisite order, spanning the entire cosmos. If I were a Pastor, I'd encourage my congregation to rejoice in the diversity of God's marvelous creatures and be thankful for the amazingly elaborate biochemical mechanisms those ancestral benefactors endowed us with. They would never again have to fear that science would undermine their faith. Indeed, if anything, the grandeur of the natural world would only serve to strengthen it.

Monkey-nappers demand ransom for Seymore’s return

2007-02-12T10:03:00.000-05:00

Monkeys have hopes
Monkeys have dreams
Monkeys are victims of kidnapping schemes!

Greg Giles opened his Grease Monkey auto lubrication franchise in Durango just more than a month ago.

The company's huge inflatable monkey was stolen from Giles' business Friday night or Saturday morning.

"I'm a new member of the community here, and I love it, but I can honestly say I never expected anything like this," Giles said.

The case exceeded routine mischief when Giles found a ransom note in a cutout-letter style where his 20-foot monkey, Seymore, used to sit on the roof at his business on River Road, south of Home Depot. The note instructed Giles to deliver $1,500 to the Durango Harley-Davidson dealership at 750 South Camino del Rio, and implied the police would be of no help. The note is now evidence and the exact wording is being withheld while the investigation continues.

You're welcome...

2007-02-09T10:41:00.000-05:00

William Donohue is full of hate:

The gay community has yet to apologize to straight people for all the damage that they have done.

In a related story, the African American community has yet to apologize to white people for slavery.

Thanks to Atrios

Media Repeats Pelosi Smears

2007-02-09T10:24:00.000-05:00

The mainstream media is a lapdog to the vast right-wing smear machine, but so many wingnuts scream like stuck pigs that the press has a "liberal bias." This claim is, of course, total bullshit.

Does this sound like a "liberal bias" to you?

CNN let its resident xenophobe Lou Dobbs repeat, yet again, the lie that Nancy Pelosi had asked for a 757 - not true - and just for the heck of it. Nancy Pelosi is "in denial," CNN's correspondent reported. Yeah, no bias there. There was also no bias when the correspondent showed video of 3 republicans attacking Pelosi, but no Democrats defending her.

Thanks to AMERICAblog

Friday Abe Vigoda Blogging

2007-02-09T10:12:00.000-05:00

The Bard of Barney Miller is down with the kids and their hot new music of today. That's why he's lent his name to the coolest tropical/new wave/punk band in Los Angeles.

Ladies and Gentlemen, get down with your bad self to the groovy sounds of...Abe Vigoda!

Monkeys on the Run

2007-02-09T10:08:00.000-05:00

Monkeys can bite
Monkeys can scratch
Monkeys are really hard to catch!

Bhubaneswar, Feb. 8: It’s tough catching monkeys, as the catch at the end of Day I of an endeavour to remove simians from the Puri Jagannath temple proved.

A dozen Mankadia tribals from Mayurbhanj, employed to carry out the mission, could catch only eight monkeys on Wednesday.
After the rituals were completed last night, the tribals started their three-hour operation to lay traps for the simians. But the tribals, apparently more adept at catching moneys in forests than temples, were disappointed with their catch. The operation would be carried out only at night.

Monkeys Can save Your Life!

2007-02-08T10:03:00.000-05:00

Monkeys are cuddly
Monkeys are warm
Monkeys can act like a fire alarm!

Misty Marksberry awoke to darkness and screaming.

Confusion reigned for a moment Friday before she realized the high-pitched shrieks weren't human. They were coming from Aaliah, the 10-month-old marmoset in its cage near the front door of Marksberry's southwest Oklahoma City rent home.

"I'd never heard the monkey make this noise before," said Marksberry, 32. Her fear only grew when she burst into the living room and saw flames. Faulty wiring had sparked a fire in her home office, no more than 12 feet from Aaliah's cage.

"Wal-Mart is Bad for America"

2007-02-07T11:13:00.000-05:00

The public is starting to notice the high cost of low prices:

Retail giant Wal-Mart is "bad for America", according to a poll carried out on behalf of a group campaigning against the store.

The poll, conducted by Zogby for a union-led group called WakeUpWalMart, asked 1,012 people across the US about their attitudes to Wal-Mart.

Of the respondents, 59% said they agreed with the statement that
"Wal-Mart is bad for America".

Thanks to Buzzflash

"When Captain America Throws His Mighty Shield..."

2007-02-07T10:31:00.000-05:00

On this date in 1994 the great American artist and creator Jack "The King" Kirby shifted off this mortal coil.

Jack was, without question, the single most important artist in American comic book history. He helped create (with longtime collaborators Joe Simon and later, Stan "The Man" Lee): Captain America, The Newsboy Legion, the Fantastic Four, the Hulk, the Avengers, Nick Fury & His Howlin' Commandos, Mr. Miracle, Darkseid, The Silver Surfer, The X-Men, Iron Man, The Mighty Thor, and The New Gods.

The influence of his art style is incalculable. All the cliches in comic art today were invented by Jack, and for over 50 years he kept them fresh and vital.

Mark Evanier knew and worked with the man and has set up a whole website filled with info on Jack, his work, and his career. You can see it all here:

Jack Kirby (aka "The King of the Comics") was the most influential and respected illustrator and creator of comic books, at least of the super-hero/adventure variety. He was so important that, with that field now in recession, some are saying that when Jack Kirby died, he took the industry with him.

I only met Jack Kirby once myself, and an industry function for the premiere of Comic Book Confidential. As I shook his hand I went from articulate adult to jibbering fanboy in one second flat. He was gracious and outgoing to me and to the other jibbering fanboys that shook his hand that evening.

The staff and management of CaptainNormal.org will mark the day by playing hooky and reading comic books until our heads explode.

Thanks to News from ME

"No amount of PR by Wal-Mart is going to allow it to deal with its legacy of discrimination"

2007-02-06T19:52:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the little guy wins, if just for the time being.

The class-action suit against Wal-Mart for its widespread and systemic gender discrimination will go forward dispite the retailer's well-funded attempts to place itself above the law.

SAN FRANCISCO - A federal appeals court ruled Tuesday that Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the world's largest private employer, must face a class-action lawsuit alleging female employees were discriminated against in pay and promotions. The ruling by the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals upholds a 2004 federal judge's decision to let the nation's largest class-action employment discrimination lawsuit go to trial.

The suit claims that as many as 1.5 million current and former female employees earned less than men and were bypassed for promotions. The lawsuit exposes the Bentonville, Ark.-based retailing powerhouse to the possibility of billions of dollars in damages.

Wal-Mart claimed that the conventional rules of class actions should not apply in the case because its 3,400 stores, including Sam's Club warehouse outlets, operate like independent businesses, and that the company did not have a policy of discriminating against women. But the court, in a 2-1 decision, disagreed.

"Plaintiff's expert opinions, factual evidence, statistical evidence and anecdotal evidence present significant proof of a corporate policy of discrimination and support plaintiff's contention that female employees nationwide were subjected to a common pattern and practice of discrimination," the court wrote. [bullshit in boldface]

How NOT to Support the Troops

2007-02-06T12:54:00.000-05:00

The Bush regime loves to talk about 'supporting the troops.' I'm a liberal, however, and that means I value actions over words.

Here's an example of what the Bush regime does:

The California Nurses Association reported that in the first quarter of 2006, the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs "treated 20,638 Iraq veterans for post-traumatic stress disorder, and they have a backlog of 400,000 cases." A returning soldier has to wait an average of 165 days for a VA decision on initial disability benefits, and an appeal can take up to three years.

And it only gets worse:

Over 200,000 soldiers deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan have been treated at Veterans Affairs medical facilities thus far, with 900,000 still deployed on active duty. A new study from Harvard University predicts that the cost of medical care and compensation benefits for returning veterans will skyrocket once those troops return home.

400,000 troops with a debilitating condition are thrown to the wolves by the very regime that put those troops in harm's way. It's reprehenible, it's monsterous...and it's S.O.P.

Thanks to Buzzflash

Fuck You Very Much, Dutch

2007-02-06T11:54:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday wishes go out to terrorist, petty criminal, thief, and actor Ronald Reagan, born on this day in 1911.

So many memories of his term in office:

His tireless support of apartheid
Arming bin Laden
Arming Saddam
Traded arms for hostages and then covered it up
His racist policies
Financing the death-and-rape squads in El Salvador

If the faith he believed in was true, Ronald Reagan would be burning in the lakes of fire. Fortunately for him, all religions are con games designed to keep the masses sleepy and stupid.

Lies, Damn Lies, and Your Money

2007-02-06T11:23:00.000-05:00

It should come as no surprise that the Bush regime is lying about defense spending. How much are they lying? According to Fred Kaplan, they are lying to the tune of $258 billion.

Thanks to News from ME

Rev. Billy Performs an Exorcism

2007-02-06T10:47:00.000-05:00

You're looking at a Man Without a Starbucks.

Last Saturday Rev. Billy of The Church of Stop Shopping entered the Starbucks on Astor Place here in Manhattan and attempted to perform an exorcism on the cash register. He laid his hands upon the evil machine and prayed that some of the money therein would find its way to the coffee growers in Ethiopia who can barely survive on what Starbucks pays them. He asked the good lord to help this multi-billion dollar corporation stop exploiting the farmers who grow the beans that become $5 lattes.

Naturally the pigs took a dim view and threw him in the slammer. But I'm happy to report that the Rev is now outta the Tombs and back to preaching the Gospel of Buylessness.

Click here to learn more about how the coffee economy exploits farmers.

A Tribute to Molly Ivins

2007-02-06T09:52:00.000-05:00

Molly Ivins was a great American troublemaker in the tradition of Upton Sinclair and Lenny Bruce, and we are all that much poorer for her loss. Kinky Friedman has written a moving tribute to this great figure in American letters:

Molly was a truth-seeking missile. She was a devil and an angel and a spiritual chop-buster who went after anybody who got in the way of a better world. Quite often she towered above the people she wrote about. They, as likely as not, were merely the slick, lubricated heads of well-oiled political machines; she was a dreamer, a little girl lost at the county fair, who somehow grew up to be a brave and bawdy and brilliant ball-buster in a state where men have always been men and emus have always been nervous.

In an age in which the five major religions are Bank of America, Wal-Mart, McDonald's, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Starbucks, Molly Ivins was an atheist.

Living with Monkeys---How Cool is That

2007-02-06T09:44:00.000-05:00

Monkeys are silly
Monkeys are great
Now monkeys can be
Your brand new roommate!

Beijing - A Chinese zoo is looking for six volunteers to live in the monkey enclosure for five days.Xi'an Qinling Wildlife Park, in Xi'an city, wants three men and three women, reports Sanqin City News.Ren Feixiang, the general manager of the zoo, said: "Their lives are going to be exactly the same as the monkeys and they also have to mimic some of the monkeys' actions."They have to beg for food from tourists except for a small portion of food brought in by the zoo staff each day."

This is Not a Cunt

2007-02-05T10:22:00.000-05:00

I've been reading Lost Girls by Alan Moore and Melinda Gebbie and it is one of the best books I've encountered in years.

It is an unabashedly erotic---nay, pornographic---novel in which three characters from children's fiction meet as adults in 1914 and proceed to fuck each other and anything that moves with wild abandon.

Alice from Wonderland is an elderly bulldyke and opium smoker. Dorothy Gale, the girl who rode the twister to Oz, is a sexually ravenous yet wide-eyed innocent. And Wendy, Peter Pan's friend, begins the novel as a sexually repressed biddy in a sexless marriage to a (closeted homosexual) bore.

Publishers Weekly called Lost Girls "beautiful, literary and moving." The Village Voice named it one of the 25 Best Books of the Year:

Lost Girls is to erotic literature what Moore's now classic 1987 Watchmen (with Dave Gibbons) was to the superhero scene. Each busts the frames of its respective genre with formal precision; each reflects upon its own ways and means through books within the book; and, most importantly, each kicks great writing into hyperdrive with dense and resonant imagery.

The sex in Lost Girls is as graphic as it is frequent---or is it? I mean, is it really sex?

You're probably familiar with Magritte's famous painting "The Treachery of Images." Beneath a realistic picture of a pipe are the words "ceci n’est pas une pipe" ("this is not a pipe"). And of course it is not a pipe---it is a picture of a pipe. While Magritte's pipe is not a pipe---it is merely a painting of a pipe---the artist asks us if the image itself is real or a fiction.

So it is with the sex in Lost Girls. There is no sex, there are only drawings of sex in a beautiful Victorian style. Is that real sex or a fiction, a fantasy, or something else. If the drawings make me horny are the pictures pornographic or does my mind do the heavy erotic lifting?

Moore and Gebbie address that very question in a chapter in which one character reads aloud a pornographic story of incest during an orgy. As people all around him fuck each other with great relish and the narrator is fucking a 13-year-old chambermaid, he asks if the story is wicked or not. REAL incest, he readily offers, is monstrously evil. But a fictional story about incest---what of that? No one in real life was violated in any way. The "incest" exists only on the page, and perhaps in the mind of the reader. Can something be "incest" in which there are no people?

I'm about 2/3s of the way through the novel and will reserve my judgement until I am finished. But Moore and gebbie bring up some excellent points, n'est pas?

Mary Cheney Can Go Fuck Herself

2007-02-04T11:55:00.000-05:00

I have no sympathy for Mary Cheney. She has actively campagined for candidates who think she doesn't deserve equal rights. She helped elect a party that thinks she's only good for lampshades and soap. Now that she and her partner are having a child---one of the rights she's campaigned against---she wants to claim that it's not a political issue. More importantly she wants to claim the very rights she has worked so hard to deny to others.

Sorry kid, but you gave up rights to that claim when you accepted a paycheck from the GOP.

Mikhaela Reid has a concise roundup of the bullshit parade.

As usual, John Stewart put it best:

"Let's say Strom Thurmond, who advocated for segregation, let's say he ended up having a black daughter. Would it not point out the rank hypocrisy of his political positions and the cowardice in not fighting for the human rights for your own flesh and blood?"

Thanks to Crooks & Liars

Friday Abe Vigoda Blogging

2007-02-02T14:10:00.000-05:00

Think you can beat The Artist Formerly Known as Fish in a staring contest?

Good luck, pal...

Lapdogs in the Press Roll Over for Giuliani

2007-02-02T13:44:00.000-05:00

Rudy Giuliani was one of the worst mayors in the history of this great city. He was a bully and a racist. Under his regime police violence shot up to new heights. He took credit for David Dinkin's accomplishments in fighting crime. He failed to upgrade interagency communications that resulted in the death of dozens of police and firemen on 9/11. He gutted the city's emergency preparaness agencies. He demonized the victims of police misconduct. And he cheated on his wife.

Meanwhile, the press contines to get down on its knees and blow him:

On February 1, USA Today reported on former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani's (R) potential presidential candidacy in a front-page article that bore the headline "Giuliani: Can hero of 9/11 win over his own party?" The article, which said that Giuliani was "[d]ubbed 'America's mayor' after he led New York City's response to the Sept. 11 attacks," discussed a leaked memo that details Giuliani's campaign plans, but omitted the memo's mention of a scandal relating to preparedness for terrorism.

Priorities: Human vs. Equine

2007-01-31T12:00:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Some Guy with a Website

Some Lie, Others Die

2007-01-31T11:19:00.000-05:00

NEWS FLASH! The military is having a bugger of a time signing up fresh meat for the for-profit war in Iraq. Apparently, anyone with the brains God gave a carrot realizes that dying for Halliburton's bottom line is not a great way to go.

So what can a military recruiter do? They turn to their commander in chief for guidance and lie their motherfucking asses off!

One such report came from ABC News last November. In an undercover investigation, the news outlet sent students, equipped with hidden cameras, to 10 Army recruitment offices in New York, New Jersey and Connecticut. Their investigation found that recruiters were willing to do just about anything to get the students to sign the dotted line, including lie. One recruiter helped a student cheat on the military's drug test, another claimed it was possible to simply quit the military and there was even a recruiter who claimed that the war in Iraq was over, and that one's chances of deployment were very low. [emphasis mine]

If you're dumb enough to think that the War in Iraq is over, maybe you do deserve to get killed protecting KBRs P-&-L statement. Think of it as natural selection in action.

Hot Monkey Love

2007-01-30T11:00:00.000-05:00

Monkeys are cute,
Monkeys are swell,
Monkeys make pretty good kissers as well!

Actress SIENNA MILLER "made out" with a monkey while shooting her new Esquire magazine photoshoot when her simian pal went too far with a kissing scene. Miller was told to pose with the money for one quirky photo, and to blow on the creature to grab it's attention. She recalls, "In order to make the monkey respond with you, you have to blow at its mouth - and it'll kiss you." But, when Miller blew, the cheeky monkey stuck his tongue in her mouth. The ALFIE star adds, "I sort of made out with a monkey... It was a sweet monkey but, no, that's too much." And, to add insult to injury, the monkey also urinated on Miller's back.

The First Republican Lie of the 2008 elections

2007-01-29T10:40:00.000-05:00

The first of many:

WASHINGTON, Jan. 28 — Jeffrey T. Kuhner, whose Web site published the first anonymous smear of the 2008 presidential race, is hardly the only editor who will not reveal his reporters’ sources. What sets him apart is that he will not even disclose the names of his reporters.

But their anonymity has not stopped them from making an impact. In the last two weeks, Mr. Kuhner’s Web site, Insight, the last remnant of a defunct conservative print magazine owned by the Unification Church led by the Rev. Sun Myung Moon, was able to set off a wave of television commentary, talk-radio chatter, official denials, investigations by journalists around the globe and news media self-analysis that has lasted 11 days and counting.

The controversy started with a quickly discredited Jan. 17 article on the Insight Web site asserting that the presidential campaign of Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton was preparing an accusation that her rival, Senator Barack Obama, had covered up a brief period he had spent in an Islamic religious school in Indonesia when he was 6.

(Other news organizations have confirmed Mr. Obama’s descriptions of the school as a secular public school. Both senators have denounced the report, and there is no evidence that Mrs. Clinton’s campaign planned to spread those accusations.)

In an interview Sunday, Mr. Kuhner, 37, said he still considered the article, which he
said was meant to focus on the thinking of the Clinton campaign, to be “solid as solid can be....”
But hosts of morning television programs and an evening commentator on the Fox News Network nevertheless devoted extensive discussion to Insight’s Clinton Obama article, as did Rush Limbaugh and other conservative talk radio hosts. And the Fox News rival MSNBC has picked up several of Insight’s other recent anonymous “scoops.”

Right-wing smear merchants makes up a lie about a Democrat
Their lapdogs in the corporate media repeat it without question
Rinse and repeat

Run Monkey Run!

2007-01-29T09:34:00.000-05:00

Last month a Japanese Snow Monkey escaped from it's cage in a private home in Nahunta, North Carolina. Since then the plucky little primate has been free and at large, scrounging meals and trying to figure out how to get back to the Land of the Rising Sun.

Obviously it's gonna try to hitch a ride on a military transport:

Escaped Monkey Observed on Seymour Johnson Air Force Base

She had no escort or permission.

But after more than a month of swinging from Rosewood to Goldsboro, she got
onto Seymour Johnson Air Force Base anyway.

Obviously monkeys don't play by the rules established by the United States
military.

Base officials confirmed Thursday that an escaped Japanese Snow Monkey has
been spotted inside the gates.

So far the savvy simian has eluded all attempts to cage or trap it. let's hope the monkey escapes the clutches of the US military-industrial complex and makes it back to the sweet, sweet trees of home.

"Now this might hurt a bit..."

2007-01-26T12:56:00.000-05:00

On this day in 1875, the first electric dental drill was patented by Dr. George F. Green.

The staff and management of CaptainNormal.org will mark the day by brushing and flossing after every meal.

Motorhead Will Make You Gay, But Cyndi Lauper's A-OK!

2007-01-26T12:35:00.000-05:00

Somebody at the far-right ex-gay movement has put together a list of bands that will turn you gay.

Elton John (really gay) and Tegan & Sara I can understand, but Motorhead? Motorhead will make the boys crave cock and the girls want wet pussy? Metallica makes the list along with Ted Nugent and Frank Sinatra.

FRANK SINATRA!?!

They've also helpfully provided a list of bands that will keep you straight. Cyndi Lauper and almost no one else makes that list.

Thanks to The Rachel Maddow Show

Gas is a Bitch

2007-01-26T12:20:00.000-05:00

It's tough being a baby monkey.

It's not much of a start in life – you're born in a zoo, your mother starts
sitting on top of you and... you've got continual hiccups.

That's exactly what has happened to one tiny colobus monkey. To add insult
to injury, the little lady has been named Sokojoo, which means 'hiccup' in the Mandinka language of Gambia. Little wonder she was rejected by her mother and is now being looked after by staff at the zoo.

Friday Abe Vigoda Blogging

2007-01-26T10:15:00.000-05:00

Mark your calendars! Next Tuesday makes the straight-to-DVD release of Farce of the Penguins, Bob Saget's parody of a popular nature documentary. Check out this star-studded cast:

Whatever problems "Farce of the Penguins" may have had -- there have been rumors of production delays on the still-unfinished film -- the project doesn't lack for star-power. The vocal cast includes Saget, Christina Applegate, Lewis Black, Mo'Nique, Tracy Morgan, Jason Alexander, Jason Biggs, Dane Cook, Gilbert Gottfried, Damon Wayans, Norm MacDonald, Jamie Kennedy, Jon Lovitz, Dave Coulier, John Stamos and, best of all, Abe Vigoda.

"Facts are Stupid Things"

2007-01-25T10:17:00.000-05:00

The conservative War on Science continues:

Far right evangelical parents are up in arms over An Inconvenient Truth being shown in school. In 10-15 years we are going to have two types of people: smart mainstream folks and amazingly dumb products of far-right evangelical households. Strangely enough this will be proof again that evolution is real.

Thanks to Oliver Willis

He Gotta Go

2007-01-23T11:42:00.000-05:00

On this date in 1997 the great American songwriter Rockin' Richard Barry shifted off this mortal coil.

Berry wrote hits for Etta James, Louie Prima, Chuck Berry, and The Robins, among others. But the one song he'll be remembered for is a true American classic that's been recorded over 1,000 times and was investigated by the FBI.

Rockin' Richard Berry composed "Louie, Louie."

"Louie, Louie" has been recorded by Frank Zappa, Los Lobos, Paul Revere & the Raiders, the Texas Rice University Marching Band, Sam the Sham & The Pharaoh's, Little Richard, and every bar band that ever stepped up on stage. A college radio station in California once played it for 63 hours straight without playing the same record twice.

The definitive version is, of course, the 1963 recording by The Kingsmen. Besides being a big hit it sparked an FBI investigation into it's supposedly dirty lyrics. After months of tireless investigation they determined that the words were "unintelligible at any speed."

The staff and management of CaptainNormal.org will mark the day drinking a buttload o' beer and making up more dirty lyrics to the greatest party song ever written.

Allah Motherfucking Akbar, Bitches!

2007-01-19T16:11:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday wishes go out to the prophet Mohammed (Peace Be Upon Him), born on this date in 570.

Over the centuries his followers have spilled almost as much blood as the Christians, although recently they seem determined to catch up.

The staff and management of CaptainNormal.org plan to celebrate by drinking as much beer and eating as much bacon as we can.

Eventually the human race will wise up and realize that ALL organized religions are con games.

One of My Heroes is Gone

2007-01-19T13:52:00.000-05:00

I was still in high school when I was was introduced to the work of Robert Anton Wilson. My friend Ron pressed a ragged, well-thumbed mass market copy of The Eye in the Pyramid into my hand and told me that I had to drop everything and read this. It was the first book in a trilogy called Illuminatus! and it was about drugs, sex, a giant yellow submarine, tantra, meta-reprogramming, Texas, and the people who really rule the Earth.

So I dropped everything and read it---and began a lifelong love affair with Wilson and his work.

Thus it was great sadness that I learned Mr. Wilson passed away on 11 January 2007.

CAPITOLA — Robert Anton Wilson, a 1960s counterculture icon and co-author of the cult classic "The Illuminatus! Trilogy," a science-fiction series about a secret
global society, has died. He was 74. Wilson died peacefully of natural
causes at his home Thursday in Capitola, his daughter Christina Pearson said
Saturday....

Wilson was a celebrated author of 35 novels, screenplays and philosophical tomes, all of which question the basic premises of reality. They covered subjects such as extrasensory perception, mental telepathy, metaphysics, paranormal experiences, conspiracy theory, sex, drugs and what he called quantum psychology. A protégé of Timothy Leary and a leading connoisseur of conspiracy theories, Wilson (RAW to his fans) was a genuine American freethinker.

Wilson was a great American troublemaker in the tradition of Frank Zappa and Phillip K. Dick who routinely investigated that undiscovered country between his ears. He loved weirdness in all its myriad forms, and in both his fiction and his non-fiction he plunged headfirst into a heady cauldron of strangeness.

He taught me that the world is a bizarre place and any sense of 'normality' was just a thin veneer.

Robert Anton Wilson passed away quietly at home surrounded by loved ones, and he leaves behind a body of work that will be enjoyed and puzzled over for generations to come.

Here are a few people far more eloquent than I who remember Mr. Wilson:

Literary Loss: Paul Krassner remembers Robert Anton Wilson

RAW's last blog post

Goodbye, Mad Prophet

Illuminated Manuscripts: The legacy of Robert Anton Wilson

Friday Abe Vigoda Blogging

2007-01-19T10:28:00.000-05:00

The Ft. Collins Weekly predicts the death of The Artist Formerly Known as Fish:

But for old time’s sake, why not give it another shot? In my humble opinion, the
list of the top 10 most doomed people in 2007 will be headed by Cuban
president-for-life Fidel Castro, actor/comedian Jerry Lewis and tragic
pseudo-celeb Nicole Ritchie. Most Internet dead pools also list Michael Jackson,
Osama bin Laden, Courtney Love and Abe Vigoda as among the most
likely to die next year, but I only agree with Vigoda. The Barney Miller star
has looked his age for decades—he’ll be 86 in February—and in fact he was
already mistakenly reported dead by People magazine in 1982.

But we know that the Bard of Barney Miller remains in the land of the living! Shame on the Ft. Collins Weekly for even suggesting that Abe is going to shift of this mortal coil anytime soon.

We're starting to think that Mr. Vigoda cannot be killed by conventional weapons.

"For the love of God, Montressor !"

2007-01-18T16:14:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday wishes go out to that Master of the Macabre Edgar Allan Poe, born on this date in 1809.

Poe was dogged all his life by poverty, alcohol, and madness. He turned his own suffering and misery into some of the scariest and moody works of American fiction ever conceived.

He also invented the modern crime story with his tale "Murder in the Rue Morgue."

The staff and management of CaptainNormal.org will mark the day drinking absinthe and trying to get that goddamn bird off the bust of Pallas just above our chamber door.

Bellicose & Oblivious---That's Our Bill!

2007-01-18T14:22:00.000-05:00

Tonight is the big Colbert v O'Reilly match up. Daily Kos puts it best:

CHEERS to a double drubbing. Tonight Stephen Colbert will appear on The O'Reilly Factor and Bill "Papa Bear" O'Reilly will appear on The Colbert Report. One of them
is going to get his head handed to him on a plate without realizing it. The other is Stephen Colbert.

"These Conglomerates are an Empire, and they are Imperial."

2007-01-16T12:36:00.000-05:00

Bill Moyers spoke on Friday before 3,500 at the opening of the National Conference on Media Reform in Memphis. He announced his return to the airwaves and outlined his vision of media reform.

"As ownership gets more and more concentrated, fewer and fewer independent
sources of information have survived in the marketplace; and those few
significant alternatives that do survive, such as PBS and NPR, are under growing
financial and political pressure to reduce critical news content and to shift
their focus in a mainstream direction, which means being more attentive to
establishment views than to the bleak realities of powerlessness that shape the
lives of ordinary people."

Obviously the corporate media ignored Mr. Moyers completely, but Democracy Now! has the video. Check it out.

Friday Abe Vigoda Blogging

2007-01-12T10:30:00.000-05:00

It's time once again to check in to see if the Artist Formerly Known as Fish is still alive.

Yup.

A Gentle Reminder of Why It's Good to Resist the War

2007-01-11T16:01:00.000-05:00

This classic anti-war poster from the sixties features Joan Baez (left) and her sisters.

The Short Version of Dubya's Speech Last Night

2007-01-11T10:07:00.000-05:00

This pretty much wraps it up:

I got us into this clusterfuck and by god, I’m keeping us there.

Thanks to This Modern World